ahhh i hate how i wrote a whole blog post on my phone and i lost it all and i said everything that i wanted to say and was feeling at the moment, and now i just can't remember what i said. ahhh :'[ stupid phone!!!!

here's a blurb of what i can remember of what i wrote prior to losing it all on my stupid phone:

*sigh* i know i deserve better. i'm tired of it all. i don't care what you do anymore. you two should just be a happy couple. you don't need me. i'm nothing, but a piece of physical body there. i don't care of what you all think of me anymore. you can look at me and call me a "bitch" all you want, but you don't even really know me. all you have seen is just me being emotional and moody, in which i have all the right reasons to why i express those feelings and emotions. until you really step in my shoes and really understand the whole situation you really have nothing more to say. i don't need to explain myself anymore; like i said, i'm nothing more than a piece of physical being that's good for nothing that just sucks up air. yes. i do love you, but it's not enough for you. you barely even know me and the person i really am. do what you want, but i can't take it anymore. you've hurt me more than enough and more than what i even take. go and be free and be happy. you don't need me i'm nothing more. Every time this happens it always pushes me and makes me think and wish that i could never speak or have a voice, and just communicate via ASL, and maybe, just maybe, it'll be enough to capture your interest and attention to even acknowledge and get to know who i really am.

*sigh* i can say no more. the burning sensation of my eyes and the aching in my heart can no longer linger. it is exhausted and burnt out to its maximum capacity. right when i thought things were progressing and things were getting better between us something always happens and it just starts all over again. i'm good for nothing. i don't think i'm even making sense. i can't even think or express how i feel anymore. i lost everything i said before. now i just feel empty, unloved, and not valued.

- wish: i wish i cannot talk, and something were to happen to me and i would lose my voice forever -