blogs

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

  • i know . . .

    ahhh i hate how i wrote a whole blog post on my phone and i lost it all and i said everything that i wanted to say and was feeling at the moment, and now i just can't remember what i said. ahhh :'[ stupid phone!!!!

    here's a blurb of what i can remember of what i wrote prior to losing it all on my stupid phone:

    *sigh* i know i deserve better. i'm tired of it all. i don't care what you do anymore. you two should just be a happy couple. you don't need me. i'm nothing, but a piece of physical body there. i don't care of what you all think of me anymore. you can look at me and call me a "bitch" all you want, but you don't even really know me. all you have seen is just me being emotional and moody, in which i have all the right reasons to why i express those feelings and emotions. until you really step in my shoes and really understand the whole situation you really have nothing more to say. i don't need to explain myself anymore; like i said, i'm nothing more than a piece of physical being that's good for nothing that just sucks up air. yes. i do love you, but it's not enough for you. you barely even know me and the person i really am. do what you want, but i can't take it anymore. you've hurt me more than enough and more than what i even take. go and be free and be happy. you don't need me i'm nothing more. Every time this happens it always pushes me and makes me think and wish that i could never speak or have a voice, and just communicate via ASL, and maybe, just maybe, it'll be enough to capture your interest and attention to even acknowledge and get to know who i really am.

    *sigh* i can say no more. the burning sensation of my eyes and the aching in my heart can no longer linger. it is exhausted and burnt out to its maximum capacity. right when i thought things were progressing and things were getting better between us something always happens and it just starts all over again. i'm good for nothing. i don't think i'm even making sense. i can't even think or express how i feel anymore. i lost everything i said before. now i just feel empty, unloved, and not valued.

    - wish: i wish i cannot talk, and something were to happen to me and i would lose my voice forever -

Friday, 20 March 2009

  • woohoo!

    Awesome! finally got some exercise this week! took a hip hop dance class today, which strangely we were soing break dancing stuff -.-'. boy was it intense! it was hard in the beginning, but once you get the rhythm & you have that attitude it's actually not that bad haha. at first my friends & I were scared & timid, but once we all got the sense of it it was okay. we thought that we were going to learn hip hop dance routines, but no we were doing a mixture with break dancing. one of our moves was to lean & rest on one side of our shoulder with our whole body weight pressing against the hard wood dance floor, which was realy painful, but aside from that the routine was cool. im going to practice & hopefully I can get that part down. I got the rest of the routine down other than that shoulder resting part & flipping on the hard wood floor. I was amazed at some girls who already got it down for their first class. it was fun! & yay! I got to really do some exercise today with my friends! sweet! working out buddies, which was like a whole pack of us haha. fun! fun! I think I ran about a total of 7-8 miles today. YAYA haven't gone running for the longest time & it was actually nice getting back to it, especially when you have your friends by your side working it out with you :). thank you! can't wait until next week & this time ill come prepared. thanks for saving my life hydee :P.

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  • i miss him merry xmas everyone.
  • i love michales <3 ! one of my favorite stores :]